God's Gifts

When the Lord used The Hobbit and Richard Armitage last December to call me into my own adventure, I had no idea how wondrously He would work His miracles.

For years my parents have been praying that He would bring a man into my life to love me. When my mother would remind me of their prayers I would get angry because I just wasn't ready. I would reply with exasperation, "Mama, IF God has someone for me He's going to have to bring him to my door because I'm not going looking."

But since that fateful December day when Gandalf said to me Bilbo, "Your life is not in your books and maps, but out there," I would, in the quiet of my own heart, find myself praying for this yet undiscovered man, asking the Lord to bless him and prepare both of us for one another.  Yes, I prayed, but I thought it would be a very long way off.

And I went about my normal activities. Then one day in early February, due to the marvels of modern technology, a very interesting man living in England started following me on Twitter. He would retweet my tweets, I would retweet his. We shared the same interests. I found him incredibly interesting but I have over 1200 followers on Twitter. I thought nothing of it. Sort of...  I shoved that "what if" far back into my mind and heart. 

I even was momentarily led astray for a couple of weeks by a much younger man, whom I opened up a bit of my heart to for the first time in over 14 years. I knew it wasn't right, that he wasn't right. He rejected me. The pain was incredible -- but for the first time in a very long time, I felt alive again.

On the very night that I was reeling from rejection, the incredible man from England sent me a tweet with a quote from...are you ready...Tolkien! Saying he had seen the quote and thought of me.

In that tweet he reached out to me, took my hand and I haven't let go. Tweets led to direct messages, direct messages to emails, emails to phone calls. Thanks to Skype, hours and hours and hours and hours of phone calls and video messaging.

During our first phone call he prayed with me and for me and my heart has not been the same since.  Without me knowing, God placed in front of me the very man my parents have prayed for these long years.

Thus, the absolute silence on this blog as I have had no time to write. Until now.

What best sums up what has happened and is happening to me cannot be expressed in my own words but those below.

"I lived with visions for my company

Instead of men and women, years ago,

And found them gentle mates, nor thought to know

A sweeter music than they played to me.

But soon their trailing purple was not free

Of this world's dust, their lutes did silent grow,

And I myself grew faint and blind below

Their vanishing eyes. Then thou didst come--to be,

Beloved, what they seemed. Their shining fronts,

Their songs, their splendours, (better, yet the same,

As river-water hallowed into fonts)

Met in thee, and from out thee overcame

My soul with satisfaction of all wants:

Because God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."

I have long loved this sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, but never knew what it meant until now.

Then yesterday I found this and sobbed while reading it, realizing for the first time in my entire life, I am head over heels, absolutely, totally, can no longer deny it, in love:

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

For this wonderful man and me, our hope and security is in Jesus Christ. We are so thankful that God saw fit to look down from heaven, perform a miracle, and bring the two of us together.

"Can you promise me I will come back?

No, and if you do, 

you will not be the same."